Fabio Capello is a superhero

Fabio Capello has to be the ultimate man in football.

I mean, it's one thing to win the league title in the first season of every club you join. It's another thing to have your job back on the line the morning after you deliver Real Madrid its first title in five years. And you know what this man has to say to that?

"I made several misjudgements, but my biggest mistake was not to count on Beckham after he announced he was leaving. Not keeping him in the side was my biggest error."

I mean, how much more man do you want a man to be? He's a champion. Check. He admits to his mistakes. Check. What else is he gonna do? Keep an eye on Gazetta dello Sport, because next week, Capello is gonna end the war in Iraq, find a cure for acute lymphocytic leukimia and return the Earth's geothermal readings back to the way it was in third century BC.

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Ugly and dirty

Barcelona whizkid Leo Messi branded Liverpool "ugly and dirty" after crashing out of Europe this week. The teenager moaned: "They set themselves up very well at the back and by playing ugly and dirty they beat us."

What da heck is wrong with this kid? He's a great footballer and all, but unless someone shuts his filthy mouth up, he's gonna grow up into a sore-losing idiot joke. Before the game he called Liverpool "ugly". Fair enough... now he's calling them "ugly and dirty"? Is this kid serious? An Argentine calling the English dirty? Like, is he out of his effing mind?

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25-yard rocket flew past Dudek

Spoken regarding 17 year old Irish triallist Jamie McCarthy, who impressed Rafa Benitez...

"He made a major impression in a training game by unleashing a 25-yard rocket that flew past Jerzy Dudek"

These days, you can unleash a 25-yard anything and it will fly past Jerzy Dudek.

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Lorenzo Lamas Returns

From Soccernet: Bayern Munich boss Felix Magath does not expect Manchester United target Owen Hargreaves to leave the club during the transfer window. The England international revealed last week that United had tabled a bid reportedly amounting to almost £20million for him as their long-running pursuit gathers pace.

However, asked if he expected any arrivals or departures before the January 31 deadline, Magath told his club's official website, www.fcbayern.de: 'No, I'm assuming we'll go in pursuit of our targets - retaining the league championship and performing well in the Champions League - with the squad we have at the moment.'

Hargreaves is currently recovering from a minor injury as Bayern prepare to resume action against Borussia Dortmund at the weekend after the Bundesliga's winter break.

Hey look, Dallas is back! Or Dynasty! Or Falcon Crest! Or any damn 80s soap that featured hairy chested guys sleeping with then dumping then sleeping with then dumping then sleeping with then dumping then etc. dumb blondes who dump then sleep with then dump then sleep with then dump then sleep with then etc. even more hairy chested guys.

For God's sake, sell the bugger or don't. This is so boring. It's worst than watching static while listening to the new Nickleback album.

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Tales from the Footballing Crypt

Funny how when you are on the top, everything works like ABC. I mean, on his slouchiest day, Ferguson couldn't even get a World Cup winner like Kleberson to pick a ball up properly and walk to the dressing room without falling over a flight of stairs and fracturing his skull. I mean, even a 5-year old could do that properly. And most five year olds have not won a World Cup before. These days, Ferguson can even get a 35-year old on extended holiday at his 'kampung' to come out, have a few days of training and score in a competitive match. It's weird you know? Like deja vu. Like Hocus pocus. Like 'kanasai'.

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Why Oh Why

Capello told FourFourTwo magazine: "I was very close to England. I was asked some time ago, before they chose (Sven-Goran) Eriksson to go for the England job." He claims he did apply for the job and does not know why he was not short-listed. "They didn't choose me. You'll have to ask the people who were there at the Football Association. I wouldn't like to say."

Okay this is just wrong. It's like being offered a Maserati for free and deciding that you want a Proton Tiara instead. I mean, sure, a Maserati costs more to repair and fuel budgets would be a bitch but at least the power windows still work after 5 days on the road.

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CHOOSE ONE

See now, i put before you: England or Europe, domestic or continental, the Premiership or the Champions League. Choose one.

Following Man Utd's fall at the hands of Celtic this midweek, the signs are becoming increasingly ominous for English teams who dare to dream of transcontinental success. It seems like English teams can only choose one: succeed at home at the expense of a faltering campaign in Europe, or go for broke in Europe while everything crumbles at home.

For the past two seasons, that was every bit the trend, with Chelsea wiping the tables and plates clean in the Premiership back to back while their wonky European form persisted. While that was happening, Liverpool and Arsenal took turns to finish fourth in the Premiership, but both scaled the dizzying heights of European glory.

This year, the trend seems to be again at work. The same two, Liverpool and Arsenal, who carried England's flag so well in the Champions League continue to do so, with both teams walking away as group leaders, confirmed of their place in the second round with two games to spare. At home, both teams have been troubled with inconsistency, and are seeing their title hopes fast fade. But they've still got a good shout in Europe.

That's more than what league leaders Man Utd can say about their continental campaign. Their form domestically seems to be nothing short of remarkable, rekindling comparisons to the United of old. But their form on the Europe has been disappointing. After three wins in the group stages, they have lost twice - first to FC Kobenhavn and now to Glasgow Celtic, leaving them the awkward tie with Benfica on Matchday 6, the team who knocked them out last season at the same juncture.

Can an English team succeed in both the Premiership and in Europe in the same season? For the other European giants like Barcelona, Real Madrid, AC Milan and Lyon, performing well in both competitions is their bread and butter. And none of these teams, bar Lyon, have much room to slack off and drop points here and there. But in England, it's always different. In England, something always has to give. Why?

It's been almost a decade since United's very own treble season. While this season's competitions are still midway - and anything can happen yet - it's hard to imagine any English team proving that glory in Europe can come as icing on the cake of domestic success.

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